Reflecting on Things - Monkanics Devlog #32 (11-12-2025)

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https://monkanics.blogspot.com/2025/10/welcome-to-monkanics-devblog.html

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The name’s Demetrius Dixon, and I’m feeling a little disconnected. Not from main Monkanics development, but my social presence.

For context, my Bluesky has been my only social outlet besides this blog. If I can even consider a blog “socializing”, that is. 

My short time on Bluesky has been phenomenal. In only around 1 ½ weeks, I gained 27 followers and met quite a few other people of varying interests and sizes. 

I achieved this by first, blogging daily, and second, by quoting other people’s posts with my own opinions and witty jokes.

I’ve had some fun doing this whole Bluesky thing, I’ve grown, I’ve mutuals… but, I’m feeling a little jaded with the whole thing.

This feeling only sprang up today. Something's just not right. And It took me most of the day just to figure out what the feeling was. 

I still don’t have the best word to describe it, but everything on Bluesky felt… performative. Including my own posts. Making the line between personal connection and pure business is extremely blurry. 

Everything I said on Bluesky was real, but my intentions weren’t as pure as I thought they were.

I wanted to grow my brand. Become Demetrius Dixon to the world and grow Monkanics. But all I got were a bunch of acquaintances. A bunch of dead-ends.

“Dead-end” has 2 meanings in this situation:

1. I can't make these acquaintances into my personal friends, due to the nature of Bluesky as a platform.
   
   

2. I can’t grow my business or brand for myself and Monkanics because everyone’s got their own lives and posts about their own projects.

Bluesky isn’t a platform like Discord where I can talk to them to form a deeper bond. But it isn’t Twitter/X where you can make a splash.

It’s this weird middleground where you talk to people, but don’t talk to people beyond a surface level. It’s a shallow pool.

Now, this works for a lot of people, but I don’t think it’s working out for my mental health anymore.

I remember not too long ago that I separated my socials between “personal” and “promotional”. I think I need to bring that back.

Bluesky isn’t bringing me fulfillment. 

I don’t feel the companionship of other people nor the satisfaction of developing Monkanics. It’s a lose/lose.

But… Bluesky is still a useful tool, as I just said, for promotion only. So I’ll still keep posting my daily devlogs there. I’m just setting a scripter personal boundary.

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With all that said, I’m thinking about more stuff. 

Questions like, who’s this blog for? Me? Other developers? Followers of Monkanics (That don’t exist)?

Typing that out made the answer obvious: It’s for me. It’s a personal stream of consciousness rather than a polished dev diary.

So, I’m thinking, “If it’s just for me, then why am I posting it online for others to read?”.

I said in the past that it gives me accountability to work on Monkanics every day, but bit by bit that accountability is fading away. I’m removing systems, having streaks of dud days, and just NOT making the dang game.

The most important thing is ACTUALLY WORKING ON THE GAME!!!!! 

What if I’m spending more time writing this blog, taking notes, and fake socializing instead of actually working.

What if, for the past 31 days, I’ve been putting effort into a nothingburger that’s going nowhere long-term.

What’s the endgame here? Am I going to be sitting here on day 2,545 going “I did this, this, and this, and almost had a mental breakdown for the thousandth time.”

Am I making Monkanics or am I so desperate for external validation that I want to start building something without the necessary piece (Monkanics) to build off it?

Monkanics doesn’t even exist. It’s just a pile of unfinished core systems I'm STILL “working on”. 

Any technical explanation I give isn’t useful to anyone at all because I don’t have copy/pasteable code nor the patience or knowhow to help others.

What if ALL my previous unsuccessful attempts to build a social presence have been trying to warn me this whole time? 

Warn me that attempting to fill my social void with shallow experiences doesn't work long-term. Warn me that being too personal in a non-personal setting isn’t meant to happen. Warn me that this might’ve been a big waste of time.

I need more time to think about all this. And what I’m gonna do about it.

Maybe a week will be enough time. That’s it, I’ll take a weeklong break and see how I feel.

I will delete this blog and my Bluesky if I determine if it’s the right call. But I need to fully feel it before I make any final decisions.

I spent an hour and 40 minutes writing all that and not working. 

Maybe I do need therapy.

Bye for now.

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Thanks for Reading!

Personal Development Stats:

• Time Worked Today: (0 hour(s) and 0 minutes)

• Total Time Worked: (65 Hours and 0 Minutes)

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